


Love in All Its Many Facets

by CatKing_Catkin



Series: Ace People Deserve Healthy Relationships [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Character, Attempted Sexual Assault, Banter, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Introspection, Kissing, Love, M/M, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Open Relationships, Overstimulation, Panic Attacks, Protectiveness, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Talking, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved Caleb Widogast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 09:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15288456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatKing_Catkin/pseuds/CatKing_Catkin
Summary: "If Tusk Love had taught him anything, it was that romance and sex were often very much intertwined, and that was another area where Caleb threw him for a loop. Caleb was utterly uninterested in sex. Not just uninterested, in fact - the very concept seemed to repulse him on some level."Or, Mollymauk and Caleb have only recently decided to try out a romantic relationship. One night early on, Molly discovers that Caleb is asexual.It's still pretty easy to make things work from there. One of the hardest parts of a romance can be finding out how to define it, after all. Once they know where the lines are drawn, that only makes it easier to know how best to give each other what they need.





	Love in All Its Many Facets

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to my ace friends who followed me into CR hell. Also dedicated to this one asshole I saw on tumblr who had a Mollymauk based username despite being a fucking exclusionist, and so partly inspired me to write this fic based on pure, raw spite.

Molly had never really been in a relationship before.

Well, no, that was a lie. Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to his friends, had had a great many relationships before, even if most usually lasted no longer than a fun evening. And relationships weren’t just for sex, right? There had been everyone in the carnival, and now everyone in the Mighty Nein. He didn’t know why the idea should seem more weighty with the idea of romance behind it – maybe just because, for all that he’d tried to cram a life into two years, this was still uncharted territory for him. He didn’t know what else you were supposed to _do_.

If _Tusk Love_ had taught him anything, it was that romance and sex were still often very much intertwined, and that was another area where Caleb threw him for a loop. Caleb was _utterly_ uninterested in sex. Not just uninterested, in fact - the very concept seemed to repulse him on some level.

Of course, being Caleb, he tried to pretend otherwise until almost too late. Molly was left grateful all over again for his years with the circus, and the cold reading skills he’d developed in the process – the ability to let him read all kinds of minute tells and signs that people often didn’t even know they were giving off but could nevertheless tell you everything about what they were feeling.

*  *  *

The two of them were sitting on Molly’s bed in his room at the inn. Molly had taken care to lock the door so that Fjord didn’t stumble in just as they were having fun. They were both half-naked, coats and shirts discarded in a tangle on the floor beside the bed, and Molly had been just about to get Caleb fully naked when the other man had shut down, as sure as if he’d set someone’s head on fire.

“Caleb? Caleb, hey.”

Molly kept patting the side of the other man’s face until Caleb seemed to come awake again, blinking his eyes back into focus. “Mm?”

“There you are.” Smiling in relief, Molly leaned forward to softly kiss Caleb’s forehead and otherwise kept his hands off. He knew what had happened even if he didn’t know why. He kicked himself for not picking up on the stress reactions before, but...he’d been feeling pretty wound up, too, he’d gotten emotional and carried away because as it turned out the reality of love and the prospect of sex could make a combination headier than even the sweetest liquor.

It had been too easy to misinterpret stress and reluctance as shyness until Caleb’s eyes had gone blank and he should have been able to tell earlier but…

“Mollymauk?” Caleb smiled, a little uncertain, the momentary loss of time clearly itching at him, his present circumstances seeming to genuinely confuse him. “I’m fine, I...you stopped?”

It was fine, it was fine. He’d stopped, Caleb was back, and now Molly could figure out what he’d done wrong and never do it again. This wouldn’t be the first time he’d slept with someone that couldn’t be touched this way or that, someone with bad memories that they might not have even known were still there until too late. Everything could get put on hold until talking happened.

“That I did,” Molly said, trying to keep his tone light. ”Because you checked out on me. This sort of thing is usually a lot more fun if two people are actually present, you know.” He tilted his head to regard Caleb more intently, scanning his face for something, some hint of what was going on behind his eyes. “Do you want me to leave? Can you tell me what I did wrong?”

“No.” Molly’s momentary confusion over whether Caleb was answering the first question or the second was resolved when Caleb reached out to grip his shoulders with a surprising strength. “Please, please don’t, I, I need...” He made a frustrated sort of sound and shook his head, staring down, staring at nothing very much.

Molly reached up to run a thumb along the back of Caleb’s hand, slow and careful, and considered their options.

“Do you want to lay down?” he asked at last. “Nothing more than that, just getting comfortable.” He could only hope that it would help Caleb think of what to say. Fortunately, the idea seemed to settle Caleb a little further, and when the two of them laid back on the bed, the human didn’t hesitate before pressing close, wrapping an arm around Molly’s waist, resting his head on Molly’s chest, and so he felt a little better as he reached out to stroke Caleb’s hair.

They laid together like that for a little while, quiet and warm. Molly actually started a little in surprise when Caleb spoke at last, his voice a little muffled where he had his head tilted against the tiefling’s warm skin.

“I have never...I have never slept with anyone before. I have never wanted to.” He gestured helplessly with a hand to encompass the room, them, and whatever lay between them that they still had trouble putting a name to some days.

“Never? At all?” That sounded impossibly strange. Sex was fun. It felt good in a way few other things did, all the more because you were usually making someone else feel just as good at the same time. But Caleb sounded as certain as he ever did, and something else in what he’d said got through to Molly in that moment. “And you still didn’t want to.”

“...no.”

“So you were about to force yourself to...” Molly couldn’t even finish saying it. He just sat up instead, wrapped his arms around Caleb once more, and kissed him soundly on the head. “You ridiculous man, you’re going to make me old and grey before my time. Why would you do that?”

Caleb made an embarrassed sort of sound and hugged Molly tighter, his voice nearly inaudible when he replied. “I thought...since I have never, I mean, I thought it might not be as bad as it always seemed,  at least if it was you.”

“Caleb...” That was perhaps the most heartfelt expression of trust and the most heartbreaking thing he’d ever heard, all at the same time. Where did he even begin? “Sure, sex is fun, sure I’ve thought about this for a while, but only because I thought I could make it fun for you, too. I thought it would be a way I could help you relax for a chance, not make you freeze up. And if that’s not going to happen, then that’s fine. Sex never has to be a thing that happens between us.”

“But, you...” Caleb seemed at a loss for words. Caleb seemed in genuine disbelief that it could be that easy.

“Don’t make this about me.” He flicked Caleb lightly in the temple, gently scolding. “I have ways of taking care of myself, I’ll have you know.” He’d hoped that would earn a laugh, and it did – faint, breathy, but genuine. Just to make sure his point was heard, Molly risked pushing his luck a little further. “I started loving you long before I started thinking of taking you to bed. Really, nothing’s changed. The part where I love you certainly hasn’t.”

The word still stuck in his throat a little bit, but less than it once had. The minute little tremor that ran through Caleb when he said it, the warm, soft sound he made, meant that the effort was worth it anyway.

That reminder, that spoken affirmation of feelings, even seemed to embolden the other man a little bit. When he spoke once more, he sounded steadier, almost confident.

“And this never will change. The, the way I am, I mean. I have always been this way, I will always be this way, this is not some damage you will fix or wait out. I am broken in so many ways, Mollymauk Tealeaf, but not in this. I...I only want to make very certain you understand this.”

His grip tightened a little on Molly, on the verge of clinging, like he was already bracing for Molly to pull away. Molly didn’t, of course not, but he struggled to find the right words to make Caleb believe that. Words were always hardest when they meant something.

Eventually, he settled on simple and straightforward, just as he had when he’d first told this strange, wonderful man how much he loved him.

“Okay. I hear what you’re saying. I understand it, I accept it, and I don’t think any less of you for it. Things between us will never go further than this, physically speaking, and we never have to talk about this again if you don’t want to.”

Caleb’s reaction was immediate and upsettingly vehement. He let out a long, shuddering sigh of relief, and Molly felt a tension so ever-present he hadn’t even realized it was there bleeding out of him. He moved to cling tighter to Molly, so close as to be half laying atop him, and Molly let out a contented purr at the warm pressure and weight pressing him into the mattress.

This wasn’t quite how he’d expected the evening to go, but under the circumstances, compared to how things could have gone, this was actually pretty nice on its own. 

“Thank you,” Caleb whispered, low and fierce. “Thank you.”

He wondered how many times Caleb had given this accounting of himself before, to other potential partners who hadn’t been as understanding. Molly kissed him rather than giving in to the urge to ask – he’d only make himself angry, and that would be neither fun nor productive in this particular situation. He was delighted to receive concrete reassurance that Caleb was happy to kiss him back and kiss him deeply, felt a pleasant little shiver up his spine at the sound the other man made when Molly threaded fingers through his hair.

They kissed for what felt like a blissful eternity, sharing body heat and breath, and it was so very nice and Molly was absolutely going to have to take care of himself later but that could be later, this was more than enough. Seeing and feeling Caleb going from tense and scared to relaxed and happy always imparted a bone deep satisfaction that was impossibly sweet all on its own.

“Sex means nothing to me,” Caleb said, when they broke apart at last and he laid his head on Molly’s chest once more. “So it means nothing to me if this is something you still want from others. As long as...” He seemed at a loss for words. Molly took pity and took a leap of faith.

“As long as I make sure you know you’re the one I’ll always be coming back to?”

He knew he’d read the situation right. Caleb’s soft sigh was edged with a note of longing at the very idea. _“Ja.”_

“Easier done than said. I’ll find all sorts of new and exciting ways to spoil you in an embarrassingly public fashion, Mister Caleb. Just you wait.”

He couldn’t see Caleb’s face, but he could tell the other man was blushing by the way the back of his neck was going the same color as his hair. Molly didn’t let himself enjoy it right away, though. There was still one more important matter that needed addressing.

“Hey...this is a very generous offer you’re making, but I don’t want you to feel like you’re bound to it forever. Okay? Relationships are...weird, and feelings are weird and they can change very quickly, and we’re both still working a lot of shit out. So if somewhere down the line it starts bothering you that I’m sleeping around, let me know, and I’ll stop.”

“...I will.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

“Good boy.”

Molly kissed him soundly, then they settled back on the bed, and he traced gentle, aimless patterns along Caleb’s back, humming quietly, until Caleb fell into a peaceful sleep.

_*  *  *_

Caleb never changed his mind, though. In fact, the arrangement came with some benefits for him – namely, that when someone else caught Molly’s eye in town, there would be no need to have awkward conversations about Nott.

Caleb needed her and she needed him. Molly wasn’t sure he’d ever seen two people so tangled up in each other besides perhaps Mona and Yuli. If they went too many days without curling up in bed together, it was like a sickness of the soul started to weigh on them both. They just fitted together in a way that Caleb and Molly hadn’t figured out how to yet, though he hoped they would someday.

But it still took a while before Caleb stopped feeling self-conscious about asking if he could stay with Nott on this night or that. At least it wasn’t an issue out on the road, where the dimensions of beds didn’t have to be considered. In town, if Molly was off having his own fun, the question never needed to be asked.

He honestly felt a little guilty sometimes about how low maintenance Caleb was. Company and contact genuinely seemed to be all he wanted. Now that they’d put a name to their relationship, he wasn’t so shy about seeking it out. Now that Molly knew where the lines were drawn, he wasn’t so hesitant to offer it. He held Caleb’s hand whenever they were out walking together, draped himself against Caleb to read over his shoulder, kissed his wizard whenever he wanted. They slept in each other’s arms every night on the road and most nights in town, they followed each other on errands, and every so often Caleb would just lean against Molly in a silent request for Molly to stroke his hair and Molly would be happy to oblige.

That really seemed to be all Caleb wanted, he really did seem content, but Molly couldn’t shake the feeling that this couldn’t be that easy. Finally, after a month of their comfortable little routine, he went to Nott to double check.

“Do you think Caleb is happy?” he asked, as they sat together on watch one night.

“Shouldn’t you be able to tell that much for yourself?” Nott asked, not looking up as she sharpened a dagger.

“I should. Probably not as well as you, though.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw Nott nod.

“He told me that the two of you talked,” she said. “About him not wanting to have sex.”

“We did.” That had been a month ago. Had she been waiting for this conversation all this time?

“He said that you were very understanding.”

“I certainly tried to be.”

“And that you’re not going to try and change him.” Her disdain for the very idea was palpable.

“He doesn’t need it.”

There was a blur to his right, and suddenly Nott was on his lap, her face right up against his, one hand clenching tight to one of his horns and the other pressing her newly sharpened dagger to the side of his head. Molly let out a yelp of surprise and tried reflexively to shove himself away from her and all that resulted was him falling flat on his back with Nott still on top of him, unmoved, unruffled.

 _“That’s why you still have ears,”_ she said, low and fierce.

Molly didn’t entirely know what to say to that. He held up his hands so she could tell that she was being suitably intimidating, because she absolutely was, there was nothing quite like having a goblin on your chest with their long teeth right next to your throat and their yellow eyes practically glowing in the dim light even before you added in blades.

He didn’t entirely know what to say, so he settled on. “I understand. And...I wouldn’t have it any other way.” If there was anyone who deserved two people looking out for his well-being, it was Caleb Widogast.

Nott stayed still for a long, breathless moment. Then she nodded, and he saw her teeth gleam briefly in the light as she grinned.

Finally, she got up off of him, dusted herself off, stowed the dagger in one of her sheathes and pulled out another one to sharpen. Slowly, in case he somehow spooked her into changing her mind, Molly sat back up as well.

“Caleb is very happy,” Nott said, sounding quite pleased herself. “Thank you. It was very good of you to ask, but you’re doing very well.”

“Oh,” said Molly, and then the full reality of what she was saying started to sink in, and he felt something light and bubbly in his chest, so nice that it made him laugh. “Good,” he said, for lack of anything better to say, anything that would truly encapsulate how _nice_ he felt in that moment. “Good. I’m...I’m really happy, too. Caleb’s something else, isn’t he?”

Nott nodded her immediate agreement. “Caleb is very special.”

A giddy, childish part of him wanted to ask Nott what sort of things Caleb said about him, but he knew she’d laugh in his face and he knew she wouldn’t even be entirely unjustified.

Instead, he asked: “Can we make a deal?”

“Depends on the deal.”

“If I’m doing something to make Caleb unhappy, can you tell me what it is first? Just, you know, give me a chance to correct my behavior? Then by all means proceed to chopping off ears if I keep fucking up, but this is all new to me, too, and I’d rather have the chance to fix anything I break first. He deserves an apology before he deserves vengeance.”

Nott considered his words for what Molly considered to be a worryingly long time, but at last she nodded. “That seems reasonable. We have a deal.”

*  *  *

Of course, his and Caleb’s arrangement was not without its problems.

It was just that those problems usually turned out to be problems for Mollymauk.

He didn’t start getting bad vibes off the elf until it was too late to make a graceful exit. Molly tried to do so anyway. He should have known this would go bad a lot earlier, he knew that and would kick himself for it later, but he was more than a little drunk by then and he’d let his guard down, trusting to the friends he had scattered around the bar to help him.

But then the elf had started dropping old favorites like “you know what they say about tieflings”, and Molly had decided there would be no fun had here tonight. He got up from his seat, barely hearing whatever excuse he was muttering, and then _the bastard grabbed his wrist_ and held him back, “Where are you going, handsome?” the other man purred in a very dangerous sort of voice.

Molly whirled on him, snarling something in Infernal and damning the asshole’s eyes, only to feel a lurch of genuine fear when all it did was make the elf wince. Then he smiled, showing just a few too many teeth.

“That’s a pretty trick,” he murmured. “I have a few I could show you. Oh, please don’t bother your friends.” He spoke without missing a beat as Molly opened his mouth to call someone over for help. “I’d hate to get my brother involved. He sort of runs the Crownsguard here in town, you see? And he’d be very displeased to hear that an admittedly pretty demon and his motley crew were threatening me. I imagine he’d have you all run out of town.”

Oh, damn it all, he’d thought this asshole looked familiar. Now that he was being forcibly held _much_ too close, close enough to feel the elf’s breath on his neck, Molly could suddenly see the family resemblance with the stuffed shirt who had overseen an inspection of their cart on the edge of town.

His mind raced quickly towards a deeply unpleasant conclusion. They’d been on the road two weeks, chasing their target through woods and swamps and fields. Everybody had been desperate for a bed, they’d all cheered when they saw this place on the horizon. If this man started to raise a fuss, then at best they’d all be run out of town and at worst they’d be locked up.

No, he couldn’t do that to them just because his instincts had been off. They were firing on all cylinders now, and he felt fairly certain that the elf wouldn’t seriously hurt him once he got Molly into bed, it probably wouldn’t be that bad, it would be worth it if everyone else could have a rest…

“Excuse me.”

Molly’s heart leapt into his throat as he felt a pair of warm, familiar arms wrap around him from behind, felt Caleb rest his chin on Molly’s shoulder to stare fixedly at the elf. Once Molly properly realized who had come to his rescue, his knees went weak from relief. He was unable to stop himself from slumping back against Caleb and proud of himself that he didn’t outright swoon into his lover’s arms.

The elf, meanwhile, was frowning quite noticeably, perturbed at the interruption. “And who are you, then?” he asked imperiously, looking Caleb up and down, clearly seeing nothing more than a shabby man in an old coat.

“Names are unimportant just now,” said Caleb, and his voice was mild and steady and pleasant. “What _is_ important is that this is _my_ companion you are bothering.”

The elf drew back visibly, looking from Molly to Caleb and back again, and Molly would have laughed aloud at the incredulous look on the bastard’s face if he wasn’t too busy coping with how very, _very_ nice that possessive, protective inflection sounded in Caleb’s voice. The elf noticed it, too. Unfortunately, he continued to refuse to take the obvious hint and the obvious warnings.

“You can’t be much of a, ah, _companion_ if our mutual friend here went wandering so early in the evening. Looking for _other company_.”

“Mollymauk has his fun wherever and with whoever he wishes,” said Caleb, perfectly calm, sounding even a little amused at the elf’s blustering. “But always, in the end he returns to _me_. And why wouldn’t he? What does an _arschloch_ like you have that should concern me in the slightest?”

And then Molly’s brain just about shut down as Caleb licked a long stripe along his neck, from shoulder to jaw. The _noise_ he made at how good it felt was pathetic and obvious, but somehow he felt giddy and exultant rather than embarrassed, especially when Caleb rewarded the sound by nipping lightly at Molly’s ear.

The elf was getting so pissed off at the demonstration of just who stood where and this time Molly did laugh, he laughed and then he leaned back in Caleb’s arms and nuzzled the other man’s cheek. “Sorry you had to come riding to my rescue, darling,” he said. “But I think I’ve about had my fun for the evening. Why don’t you take me upstairs and give me a proper seeing to?”

Caleb’s chuckle was low and warm, vibrating softly against Molly’s back. “Mister Mollymauk, I would be happy to. But first…” He held out a hand and a shield flashed in the air just as the elf threw a punch. Molly _felt_ the glare his wizard leveled at the interloper,  before suddenly Caleb moved around him, shoving Molly protectively back with one hand and lashing out with the other and grabbing the elf by the wrist and suddenly the air between them was alight with the sound of crackling electricity before the elf fell to his knees with a sharp gasp of pain.

Caleb held the spell for a long moment with one hand, then licked a dab of sweet oil off the other. “I _suggest_ ,” he said, his voice echoing faintly with magic. “That you wait two days to speak with your brother about what has happened here. By then, we will have moved on. You have seen now that, even if you have us run out, we can still make your life so very difficult. I _suggest_ you do not push us that far, for both our sakes’.”

Their eyes stayed locked for a long moment as, safely behind Caleb, Molly held his breath and hoped.

At last, Caleb released the elf and stepped back. The elf, moving in the somewhat trancelike state that Molly had come to associate with people under the effects of one of Caleb’s “suggestions”, picked himself up, dusted himself off, then brushed past them both and out of the bar. Molly watched him go, and somehow it felt like it wasn’t safe to start breathing again until he was outside and enough time had passed to see him well down the street.

Then Molly let out a long, shuddering sigh of relief and collapsed back onto his seat. To his faint surprise, Caleb took the seat next to him, looking almost as shaken.

“Oh,” Caleb said, sounding somewhat far away, pressing a hand to his forehead. Molly could see him trembling finely. “Oh, that was…that was nearly very bad.” When Molly reached out to squeeze his shoulder, Caleb seemed to come back to himself a bit, looking over at him with a frown of concern. “Are you all right? I’m sorry, I, I think I got a little carried away, just now, I swear that was only for his benefit, I th-thought I might scare him off without having to do any of the rest, and…”

Caleb’s babbling was generally adorable, but this time, Molly shut him up by leaning in for a quick kiss.

“Would you think I was weird,” he said, when he sat back once more. “If I said that your whole act just now was one of the most attractive things I’d ever seen?”

Caleb blinked, looking genuinely startled. Then he smiled, warm and bright, then he laughed fondly and leaned over to kiss Molly instead.

“I have always thought you were weird,” he said, and the open, unashamed love in his voice made the words the most heartfelt compliment Mollymauk Tealeaf had ever received. “Honestly, now, are you all right?”

“Perfectly fine. You came riding to my rescue just in time. I really do think I’ve had enough fun for the evening, though. Can we go upstairs and just…have a quiet night?” He tried not to sound as hopeful and needy as he felt just then. He knew Caleb had been working on some transcriptions but the rooms did have desks in them, and Molly was in the mood to just take care of his swords, maybe take his mind off things with some cards, and then fall asleep early. He still felt a little shaken, he wanted to feel safe, and Molly had always felt a lot of good and wonderful things for Caleb Widogast but he’d never known what it was like to feel _safe_ with him before now.

“That sounds wonderful,” Caleb said, sounding like he meant it, sounding like he’d seen right through Molly just now and didn’t mind at all, and then he went to gather up his books and his papers and wish Nott a good evening.

Then he and Molly went upstairs and locked themselves in their room and spent a quiet couple of hours seeing to their own affairs. No words were spoken, but no words had to be – the silence was comfortable and perfect, broken only by the scratching of a pen, the faint rustling of cards being shuffled, and Frumpkin’s noisy purring as he rested his chin on Molly’s knee.

When he finally noticed Molly trying not to yawn, Caleb didn’t hesitate to put his books away and come to join him on the bed. As they laid down together, kissing dozily, Caleb stroking Molly’s hair and Molly rubbing Caleb’s back, it didn’t take long for sleep to come, and Mollymauk Tealeaf slept the easy, peaceful sleep of one who knew he was safe and loved, who knew that the man he loved felt the same, and who knew that they were figuring out how to make this relationship work day by day.


End file.
